My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
