soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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