his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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