Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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