Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
