we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
