I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
