so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
