It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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