I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
