btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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