I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
