i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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