I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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