i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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