I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
