So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
