69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
