Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize