I'm jealous of your bromance
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize