Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found the puke drawer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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