You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
