he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
