Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
