Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
