you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
