I don't usually arrange sex via text message
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
