And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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