I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
