omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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