Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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