I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
