Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
