my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
