I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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