We're like a lot better than the average bears
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just invented taco cereal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
