I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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