I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
