Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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