he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
