this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
