Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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