i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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