I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
