Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
