Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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