Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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