Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
