Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
