two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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