Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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