i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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