U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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