Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
