She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't deserve a penis
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
