i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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