I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
