My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
