Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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