ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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