Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
