Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
