They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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