Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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