Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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