youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
