I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, beer. Big fan.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
