And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
