he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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