I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
