There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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