I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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