I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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