I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
