Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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