I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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