Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't deserve a penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
