is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
